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Jokes |
 A man walks into a
bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast
and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is
surprised and asks: 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'.
'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious
to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above
the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed.
The dog looks at her and does nothing, and the man then shouts to the dog,
'OK. Just ONE more time, let me show you how it's done". |
 If you love
something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed
that
you actually set it free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it! |
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 On Christmas morning, a cop
on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his
shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that
to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
he cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on
that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety
violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way,
that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the
horse, instead of on top."
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 A gynecologist was
getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd
always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic.
So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the
engine completely and reassemble it back into perfect working order. So
our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited his results.
The day he received the results, he got quite a surprise -- he got 150%.
He quickly phoned the instructor and asked about the high mark. The
instructor said, “No, that's right. First, I gave you 50% for stripping
down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next, I gave you 50% for
reassembling it -- a fantastic job really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus
for doing it all through the tail pipe.” |
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